Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Duke

Guess who is in FIRST grade now? Lucas is officially the youngest kid in 1st grade. He's doing great so far and loves his teacher and his friends. It wasn't too hard adjusting to school because all summer he still woke up at 6:30 or 6:45. Lately Lucas has been back into Indiana Jones. We let him watch The Last Crusade (but not the scary parts) and he loved it. He plays his Indiana Jones video game on Saturdays and plays with his Indiana Jones legos to no end. And he also walks around the house fighting bad guys and pretends to be jumping from vehicle to vehicle like unto the amazing Indiana.
Lately I've been noticing that Lucas is indeed my kid. I always write him off as Ben's kid since he's so smart and everything, but he's totally my kid, too! I've noticed he's sensitive like me. And he worries like me (Mom, is there lots of gas in the car?)... and he's got my same insecurities. Grrrrreat. Sometimes I can hear myself in his voice when we're trying to get him to do something new and I can totally relate, and it breaks my heart just a little bit. 
The thing is, I don't think he's learned it from me, because I really try to be brave in front of him. I think it's just in his blood... So, we need to figure out how to work with that. 
Last night I put Lucas to bed and he wanted me to read, Love You Forever. I knew this was a risky book because it's the kind of book that, although a little ridiculous and creepy at times, makes moms cry as they think about their baby growing up. And Lucas was already exhausted and emotional.
I read the book and put it down and Lucas started crying. Saying he didn't want me to die (at the end of the book the mom is old and sick). I assured him that I wasn't going to die, and that even if I did die, Heavenly Father had a plan for us so that we could be together forever, and that everything would be ok. Then he started worrying about going to college. I told him that college was 12 years away, and he could stay close for college if he wanted, and that he didn't have to go away. He told me I needed to go to college with him, so I asked him what I should study, and he said, "Just be my mom!" We talked about how fun college would be, and how he could make his own schedule and take whatever classes he wanted (he was concerned that there wouldn't be Art, PE or Spanish). Lucky for him there are!
Then, he started talking about getting married, and how he wanted to live with us even when he was married. It just went on and on. Eventually Ben heard the crying and came in and assured him that he could stay with us as long as he wanted. Ben fell asleep while I continued to console Lucas. And finally Lucas also fell asleep while I sang him a song.
The experience was so weird for me because I remember having these exact same thoughts when I was little. I remember the devastation I felt at the thought of losing a parent, and the fear of moving away for college. And I specifically remember being sick with croup and worrying that when I was married and got croup, my husband wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't breathe. Because who could possibly be as loving and smart as your mom and dad? 
Well, the good news is that my parents raised me so that I could successfully be out on my own (thank goodness for cell phones), and I did find a nice, smart man who won't let me die if I get croup. I hope that I can help Lucas overcome these same fears as he grows up. And maybe someday he won't hate pinatas, and he'll be on swim team, or play soccer. And then eventually he'll get a full scholarship to an awesome college, and then meet an awesome girl. That's the plan for now... because he really can't live with us forever. :)


Member of the Justice League said...

I only interacted with Lucas a little bit at the reunion, and every time he was polite and pleasant and intelligent and adorable. I was impressed at how smart he was. And he and Peter and Benjamin had such a good time playing together.

It's interesting that he had those concerns. I've never experienced those anxieties; poor kid - maybe he'll worry a little less as he gets a little older. Maybe the worries will help him be a planner & he'll have an organized life!

Member of the Justice League said...

And I can't get rid of that goofy tag line. I don't remember how I put it on there in the first place.

Shan said...

Poor kid! I was a worrier too (and still am). Luckily, college isn't for another 12 years...hopefully he'll figure things out by then. :) In the mean time, I think he has the coolest parents ever!

Maddie said...

I love that kid. And all of you! Do you remember a year or so ago when he said he either wanted to marry me or you? ...I think you were there. Maybe not. I think we tried to explain you can't marry your cousins or mothers. None the less, he's a sweet little angel. The FOUR of you need to come visit pronto. Please?? I'm going through Harman withdrawals...It's getting bad. I've started referring to myself as MDR.
I love you all! so much.